Sunday, March 20, 2011

In the Beginning...

Entropy- A lack of pattern or organization. Disorder. The tendency for the universe to fall apart little by little.

It didn't take long at all for me to come up with a name for this blog. I remember my high school LDS Seminary teacher talking about entropy. I decided it was one of my favorite words right then. It perfectly describes why I am inconsistent!

My whole life, the biggest battle I have fought is the battle against inconsistency. I will seem to have everything going well, I'm on top of school, housework, parenting, scripture study, health, etc. then I suddenly realize I've lost my momentum. I try to look back and see what happened to mess me up. There isn't anything obvious. As I start adding it up in my mind I realize it was a bunch of little things that just threw me off.

  • I didn't feel like cleaning up the small food spill after lunch. It wasn't much at all and I knew there would be more there after supper. I'd just get it all then. Before I realize it, there are a few days worth of "not much at all" and it takes me a good ten minutes to scrape and scrub it off. In which time, a mess is made somewhere else in the house. It would have taken a few seconds if I'd cleaned it up when it first happened.
  • The assigned reading chapter was only two pages for the day. I decided I'd just add it to the eight page reading for the next day. The next day I get through a few pages and get distracted. I forget to finish up.
  • I was exhausted so I didn't follow through on getting E to put away his toys. It was easier to do it myself. The next time, I did the same thing and after a while, he "forgets" that he needs to pick up.
  • I was doing so well on working out and eating healthy. I decided to skip a night of working out because I was tired. We get a gift card for a restaurant and I order a dessert. Next thing I know, I'm eating sugar and skipping workouts. The things I was so proud of myself for have fallen out of my schedule and priorities again.
Just to name a few. Once those things add up... Chaos. Entropy. Just today, I told my husband "I hate chaos". E and J had dumped a whole package of spaghetti noodles onto the floor and smooshed them up. All this in the few minutes I had closed my eyes in a different room to try to avoid going crazy. How did they get a hold of the package? I put it on the shelf just inside our bedroom where the food storage closet is. A little tiny thing. A few more seconds of effort and it would have been out of their reach. Of course, then they probably would have found something else to destroy... but that's beside the point.

I can objectively see what I need to be doing. That's simple for me. But the motivation to keep doing what I know I need to be doing and not let it slide... that is SO hard! It seems like whenever I do keep it up for a while, little by little, my universe seems to fall into disorder.

The one word I want to describe my year is CONSISTENT. I'll settle for anything remotely close to that, but I want that to be the height I shoot for.

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